December 20, 2012

“A wise man told me don’t argue with fools,
cause people from a distance can’t tell who is who.”

Jay Z

I have been in a place where I just want to tell people how I am feeling. What this seems to me is that I would sound like I was complaining and whining. My experience is that the people I would talk to would want to fix me or say buck up cowboy and quit your whining. Neither is at all satisfying to me. Is this being victim? Maybe, maybe not, I just have lots inside me that I need to sort out. The only way I know is to dump it out, look at it, sort the good from the bad and go on.

Oh well. Part of this, I believe, comes from how others perceive me. They look at me to be the strong one who will be there, the unshakeable rock. Well I do get shaken and things do bother me. As I write this a thought comes to me, if someone were to be there for me could I truly accept it and be honest to a fault? To be honest I think not. This would mean I am capable of being vulnerable. Nobody is every going to hurt me again. I cannot be vulnerable! Intellectually I know that is not true because I do get hurt and the defenses I put up are not serving me well. Yet there they are. If you don’t understand this train of thought it is because you are not listening. I am dumping right now and it is what is so logical or not.

I sent the Jay Z quote from above to my boss and he replied back with:

Hard it is to be born,

Hard it is to live,

Harder still to hear of the way,

And hard to rise, follow, and awaken.

He who wishes to awaken

Consumes his desires joyfully.

Buddha

I asked him what this means and he replied back. “Make up your mind, what you want (desire) and go do it. Don’t hesitate, don’t make excuses. Consume it… live it… do it…”

Holly Shit! How come I have to keep being reminded of how to live life? I pray every morning for God to help me find my way. I always do a gratitude list and then just exist. I have been given the tools and told The Secret; yet again here I am not LIVING but just existing. What Buddha says is like striking a flint to my tinder. The spark is there, is there enough willingness in me to have the tinder catch and the flame of passion come alive? I can’t think my way out of this one. As Yoda said “Do or do not, there is no try.”

What do I really want; sex, money, fame, love or what? I listened to a Tony Robbins Youtube video yesterday. Tony said that we focus on the wrong stuff such as if we want good health our focus in on not having bad health or not doing unhealthily things. In other words we don’t focus on healthy we focus on not doing unhealthy things. This resonated with me, I could see where I would pray for my body pains to go away, I do gratitude list so I am not unhappy. I have no focus on what I really want out of life. I just have the concept of I don’t want it to hurt any more.

So what am I going to do? Nothing! Why, because it has not worked in the past. Oh yes there would be temporary relief but nothing permanent. Having something hasn’t worked either. I have a great wife, great kids, and a great job and still I am left wanting. So I guess the only thing left is the BEing.  To Be or not to BE that is the question. And the willingness to BE.

Okay my mind is hurting. There is hope in the Ah Ha moments I have just had. Weird I call the Ah Ha moments when it is stuff I already know and preach to other when they ask me for help. I am not going to think about this but rather meditate. The difference is when I think I am trying to figure the answer. When I meditate I am opening myself for God to direct me.

Till later.

Thy will not mine be done.

December 6, 2012

This Saturday we will be lying to rest my ex-bother-in-law, Uncle Doug. He passed away over Thanksgiving. He was diabetic and just lost a foot and the speculation is he fell and went into a diabetic coma. He lived alone so no one was there. Even though he was alone I question if he was really alone. The sheriff said it looked like he didn't suffer. To me that is just another sign that the Cosmic Muffin, GOD, is with us. That is my belief and I'm sticking with it.

I really like Uncle Doug, he was Barbara's little brother and when I was dating her I used to hang out with him, even got him a job when he was 14.

I pray that Jesus met him and let him to Grace, if he didn't I pray for Jesus to go to him to give him my love that he may find Grace.

He will have a very simple barial, a grave side service. I told my daughter that if they needed someone to dedicate the grave I would  be honored.

May peace be with his daughters, Barbara and her family, Rebecca, Ray and his family.

My Ray, my son, had another loss in his family. His wife, Beth, lost her mother over Thanksgiving weekend as well.

I send my love to Ray, Beth and their family in this time of loss that Jesus will be with them and give comfort.

Well God is calling his children home. I hope I am way down the list as I still have lost of love to give my family.

I find it interesting that I see the Jesus story a myth but ask him to be with those in need and have passed on. This is just my story and I will either come to peace and accept it or not.

Enough for today

Thy will not mine be done.

December 5, 2012

 ”If you don’t have a dream,
how can you have a dream come true?”

 Jiminy Cricket

Do you have dreams of what you want or could be in life? Dreams that maybe started when you were a child or a seed that was planted when you read a book or watched a movie or as you got older your eyes were opened to a possibility? I know that I have.

I ask “Are you truly living your dreams?” I would venture a guess that less than 1% of the population lives their dreams. Why is that? For me it all boils down to fear, yes FEAR! Fear of what people would say, financial security, alienations from family and friends and just not knowing what or how to make my dreams come true. Yet there are people like Bill Gates or Steve Jobs who have lived their dreams. You can join their ranks by following three simple steps. 1) Believe, 2) Declare, 3) Surrender.

Belief in your dreams is the first step. Without this belief your fears rule your actions and before you start you have already created the outcome that your dreams are not worth pursuing. A basic example of the power of belief is people have a belief or believe that if they go to work someone will pay them so that they can eat and have a place to live. Pretty simple and for the most part it works, so if this works why can’t you just believe in you dreams and have them succeed?  I submit, the missing piece is we are NOT WILLING to believe! What do I mean by ‘Willing to Believe’? You don’t have to committed or even do anything. Just to be open to the possibility.

Before a dream can live there has to be someone willing to believe in it and since we are talking about your dream, you are the one to become willing. This can be very scary because of all the fears we talked about, what will people think, money, family etc.  But, remember this is just willingness. You haven’t committed to anything or even really done anything. If you are having trouble, try this on, be willing to be willing.

At this point you have create a space where the dream can be a possibility, you are now ready to take the next step.

Next is to declare your dream as a possibility. You may be saying to yourself “what good will that do? “ Let me give you an example of the power of declaring, our country didn’t not exist until the founding father created The Declaration of Independence. Their action was to declare a dream as a possibility and from this the greatest nation in the world was born.

Now take your dream or one of your dreams and declare it. One of my dreams is to be a motivational speaker; this is how I declared that dream. “The possibility I am creating for myself and my life is the possibility of being a motivational speaker.” Wow! That feels good just to tell you my dream.  The power is that it now exists as a real possibility not just as a dream.

All that is left is to surrender. WHAT?!? After all THAT he wants me to surrender? Surrender what and to whom?

Now just take a deep breath and put the weapons away.

Let me ask you a question, how has living your dreams been going with you in control?  If they are truly going great then you already understand surrender. You must give up control and turn it over to your higher power or as I call it God. This is not religious; your higher power can be anything. Mine is the Cosmic Muffin and you are welcome to use it. The point is to get you out of the way. Once you have become willing to believe in you dream and declared it, the universe creates what is necessary to have it come into fruition. If you think you have to control it you will only mess it up. Get out of the way, surrender and be available to do what shows up.

Your dream should come naturally and feel right. Unlike at a job, you are not doing it for someone else so they can fulfill their dreams, if you are it is not your dream.

Now if you have honestly done these three simple steps your dream will show up. Remember you just have to become willing to believe, declare your dream as a possibility and turn it over to your Higher Power.  Now a word of caution, be careful of what you ask for, you just may get it.

Thy will not mine be done.

December 3, 2012

Holly Crap I feel like I am going to burst! I haven’t written since the 14^th and there are words and thought inside of me that need to come out before I explode. Yet, guess what? I seem to have writer’s block!! ARGH! Where do I start and how do I make a coherent sentence?

I want to write about turning ‘IT’ over to a God of my own understanding, my mortality, how watching ‘A Field of Dream’ affected me, etc. but where do I start?

There is no starting place. I started this Blog on 11/26 and here it is 12/3 and still no further along. So I will leave all the ‘looks good’ shit out and just mind dump. Hang on and keep your hands and arms in the ride at all times, just teasing there may be no excitement just the mind dump.

The more I get out of the way and let God rule my life the smoother it gets. Last night my youngest daughter got really upset with me about talking to her mother about a Christmas present she wanted me to by her mother. She was upset and I was upset being scolded by my daughter, how dare she talk to me that way. I was hurt and upset and didn’t know what to do except to say “God I don’t know what to do can you please help me?” I sort of let it go I didn’t call her up and correct her for talking to her father is such a disrespectful way. Within a few minutes she text me saying she was sorry for hurting my feeling.  Oh my gaud you could have knocked me over with a feather, I could never have demanded and received that type of love and respect. This left the door open for me to see how I had hurt her and to make amends for my part. We exchanged our love for each other and other things in our lives. I love that girl so much!

Today my boss was sharing about when he worked for Bill Graham who was a big promoter for groups like Country Joe and the Fish, Jefferson Airplane and the like. This caused me to go to Youtube and listen to the Viet Nam song by Country Joe and the Fish and did it ever hit me hard.

I was a teen ager in the 60’s and pretty much had Hippie leanings but was not a dyed in the wool one. Family pressure caused me to be a consertive-hippie. Talk about a person who doesn’t know who he is or where to turn. Today in hind sight I should have been true to my Hippie leanings. Today people call me the Old Hippie because that is just what naturally comes out. I believe is social justice, human rights, love is more powerful than might and there is an all powerful Spirit of the Universe – GOD. Don’t get me wrong, I spiritual not religious and don’t like organized religions but realize that I was raised LDS-Mormon and those value have colored my ways of seeing the world. I used to try to hide that fact and say I used to be a Mormon. Today that doesn’t matter because that is one of those things I can’t change. If I drop my membership that would not change that I was raised Mormon. So today why bother trying to look good in someone else’s eyse? If someone doesn’t like me because I am a Mormon or more correctly a Jack Mormon that is out of my control and if I tried to change that, I would be untrue to my Hippie soul.

I still struggle with the concept of Jesus being the only begotten Son of God. To me he was a great person who was the ultimate Hippie. I feel that were he here today he would not want to be considered the Only Begotten.  That being said, I don’t really know because I don’t  know what God is, I just know that God Is. For me if asked what God is to me I say the Cosmic Muffin.

Enough for today.

Thy will not mine be done.