November 5, 2013

Life is an interesting journey! On Monday’s I attend a men’s 12 step meeting and last night we were studying Step 6 “Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.” We were reading from the 12 and 12 and in the next to the last page of Step 6 second paragraph it talks about letting go of trying to do this work 100%. It says that if we were to do every step 100% we would be Saints and heaven knows I am not or will never be a saint.

To me a defect of character can be many things but I have come to use as a guide and measure of how I feel in my stomach. If it hurts or I feel sick or uncomfortable then I am bumping up against a defect of character.

I don’t share the idea of defects of character with many people as they get it confused with being defective or putting myself down. What I mean by defects of character are those things that hurt me and ultimately others.

On the way home from the meeting a friend of mine shared some stuff that was going on in his life around defects of character, and no shit, it was exactly what I was dealing with at that moment. His sharing opened the door for me to share. I came away feeling like I had unloaded a burden I had been carrying and that I was not so all alone. Here was another human being that was dealing with the same shit I was.

As I write I am coming to realize that the most damaging part of a defect of character is the holding it inside and thinking I can’t share it. Once I become ready God will put someone safe in my life to share with and the burden seems so much lighter.

Has the defect gone away? No, not yet. Yes, I am now entirely ready to have God remove this defect of character. I can’t remove it, I need God to do that and that comes with Step 7 where I ask him to remove it.

The 12 Step program is more than alcohol and drugs, it is about my will and my life, all of it. This is a journey of progress not perfection. When I surrender magic happens. When I give up that is me trying to take control and nothing happens. When I try to control that is when I am playing God and that is a job I am not qualified 

to do.

Thy will not mine be done.