September 27, 2012

“I hate the fall!!” Well, maybe that is a little strong but how I feel is terrible when fall rolls around.

For as far back as I can remember I have not liked the fall time of the year. I sometimes think it is because I didn’t like going to school. I have a learning-disability, don’t laugh because it hurts, where I couldn’t keep up with the reading that I was assigned in school. I wasn’t diagnosed until I was about 45 years old by a college professor (yes it took me a very long time to get a college degree). Before then I was just considered lazy or slacker. My wife, a Special Ed teacher, speculates I got the lazy classification because I was smart and learning came easy yet I had reading issues. The issues are called ’decoding’ where I have a hard time telling the difference between letters such a b, d, p & q. I can only hope she is right. Because of my classification I hold a great may hard feelings and resentments toward the educational systems I was raised in.

I have always been very good a mathematics but was held back because I didn’t have the “Reading Level” to comprehend such a complex subject or so I was told. That hurt a LOT! I loved doing math problems as far back as I can remember and when I got in the 7^th grade I found that algebra was an option, but only for the smart kids. I was told I was just too lazy and wouldn’t understand the subject and it would just be a waste of time for the school for me to even try. Can you hear my bitterness?

 It has been a long time since I even thought about this resentment. Recently I was listening to a tape by Caroline Myss and she was talking about how those things that we hold on to and want revenge are the things that keep us from being physically and mentally healthy. While I was listening to her I thought “I don’t have any un-addressed resentments.” Well guess what buck-o, I do and didn’t realize it until I started writing today.

Well, this writing went in a different direction than I had originally intended so I think I was close to reflect. What will I do next? Call my sponsor and see if I am ready to turn this over to God and make amends. Oh and if you are wondering, my God is the “Cosmic Muffin”.

Thy will not mind be done.